Porn is love you can see.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
