dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
