Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
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I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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