Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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