you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
40s are totally the cure
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
