I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
