I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
