weddingsv make me drug and hornr
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Pants are for mortals
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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