You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
