you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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