you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
