There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
