is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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