I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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