My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
