Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
