I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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