just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
