I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
