wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I think a kid would responsible me up
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
