just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Randomize
