yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
