we're chasing vodka with high fives
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
