omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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