My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
