Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
