I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
