My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
