I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
