if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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