It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
