you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
