sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
