She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
