why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
