you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
