I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
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