I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
