i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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