worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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