Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
