just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
