Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
