PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
