I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
birth control should be required to get into college
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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