Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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