i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
