i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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