If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
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