as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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