Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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