I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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