I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
